Perhaps our churches would be more fruitful places if more Christians knew how to get drunk.
Despite what prohibitionists would tell you, getting drunk effectively takes practice. Drinking is somewhat of a learned skill, and many would consider it an art form. A virgin taking their first shot is going to have neither the tolerance nor the taste to truly appreciate the experience, whereas a habitual drinker will revel all night long. Experienced drinkers have many advantages over the casual drinker who only timidly takes a sip now and then when decorum requires it. For example:
- Drunkards make a habit of drinking—they plan their day around their happy hour. They won’t miss it. If they’re responsible, even plan for a ride and clear their morning after so that they can indulge to excess. It’s not a casual hobby they engage in from time to time; it’s a lifestyle.
- Drunkards devote significant portions of their income to sustaining their habit. They don’t balk at the price of a good, well-made drink.
- Drunkards have acquired a taste for alcohol and can distinguish between cheap, weak counterfeits and authentic, strong brew.
- Drunkards will know instantly if a drink served to them does not contain alcohol or isn’t strong enough. They aren’t satisfied with childish imitations.
- Drunkards, although they may have a favorite drink, love variety and will take alcohol in whatever form it’s served to them. They won’t turn down an opportunity to drink just because the hostess is serving wine instead of vodka.
- Drunkards love to drink in groups and will intentionally go to bars for the social aspect. They will also consistently invite friends and even buy drinks for others in an attempt to include people in their group.
- Drunkards know the effect alcohol has on them. They will not be satisfied with just a “buzz”; they will keep going until the euphoria overtakes them.
- When something goes wrong, a drunkard runs to alcohol for comfort. When there’s cause for joy, a drunkard breaks out alcohol in celebration. A drunkard brings alcohol to all important events and wouldn’t think to host a gathering without providing refreshment. For a drunkard, a party without alcohol is no party at all.
- In the case of a prohibition, drunkards will find a way to get their alcohol, even if that means making it themselves.
“Don’t drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him.” (Ephesians 5:18, MSG)
What would our churches be like if Christians pursued God’s presence like a drunkard pursues his drink? Perhaps when Paul told believers to be “drunk on the spirit,” we should take him more literally and all learn how to truly get drunk.